My love letter to writing

This is a blog about parenting. However I am a writer by birth. And how honest can I be while ignoring who I really am. I am taking this time to post just how deep my love of writing is: I carry many titles and many demands as a woman . I am a partner, a mother a daughter, a care giver and so on. A household rest on my shoulders causing the sabotage of any true rest on my part. six years of being a mother has shown me the deepest purest forms of love, and my first signs of aging. and after seven years of being a partner to a wonderful man has cleared away my tainted and soiled view on relationships. The dynamics can be complex and I have a new respect for that kind of love. breathing happens on auto-pilot. It's like blinking. It is something that I don't even notice I am doing. There is no respect for it other than it sustains me. It is like a heart beat, you only care if It stops working. Maybe it's because i can never hear it. Kids are always yelling, the cats yelling, I am yelling. I tried meditation and grew frustrated when I couldn't fit it into my day. I discovered a new sacred temple in book stores. Out of all my relationships those with words are the most intense. When I write and when I read, it awakens a slumbering part of my soul. It can relax me, arouse me, or help me sleep. My love affair has gone on for as far back as my mind can think. And like any relationship, it has matured and intensified over the years. Not to many people understand my marriage to the written word. Reading, writing, breathing in words. I know realize when I am in a book store I can hear myself breathe. The quiet: so calm and refreshing. Being baptized by a rain of poetic sentences flowing down and washing away my sins. I sit nestled in a cocoon of books. surrounded by the comfort of the words. Feeling safe and feeling at home. In a meditative trance, my senses become heightened. Though transfixed yet fully aware. Aware of my breath. The way my breasts rise and fall. Growing slow and steady and deep, like with a lover. Concentrated on the journey. A rhythm of words beats through my heart and pump through to my veins. I can feel it coursing through me, with no one destination in mind. Fulfilling various parts, both with purpose and on a whim. until finding A final resting place in my soul. admiring the details, smiling, laughing, crying. Having an obvious love affair. blinded in my rapture oblivious to the care of how I am seen. unlike with a man, unshieled is my public affection.I feel no shame nor bashfulness. no causes to bind me to fluster. The longer I read , or write the more intense it becomes. It just flows out of me. Or shudders through me, and I allow it. I enjoy it's waves of pleasure and do not deny it. It calms me, reassures me, wanders my mind, enduring it's passion. It's seductive, like a drug. I seek good books like a high. with the frustrating misconception that either can be done anywhere, I assure that it is not true. devouring a good book or writing is like sex. It can be done only when the mood strikes. otherwise it is facade. Personally I enjoy it late at night and alone. I get upset when I am writing and people talk to me. I have to focus or it becomes frustrating. I love to write and when I am done I feel satisfied. You will find no shame in this love letter to the art of writing. Only an understanding of my unyileding fasination and dedication to this craft.

Thanks for waiting/ The Office

I let life get in the way, and I abandoned my blog. so much and yet so little has happened. if that makes any sense. well, today I got "the call". For someone like me who went to the office alot as a kid, I grew nervous. It was only in elementary school tough. So maybe its hereditary. the Principal wanted to see me. As I walked towards the school I regressed to being a child. I felt the school tower over me in intimidation. the children's playful laughter directed at me. knowing it was all in my my imagination, but still an unrelenting feeling. My son had hit a kid while playing and needed to be picked up. It seemed harsh but agreeable. On my drive I thought of what to say. The right things to say to both the principal and my son. Because no matter how many parenting books are out there, there is no guidelines for everyday occurrences. I decided on firm. And with sweaty palms , of dread and also embarrassment, I found him in the office. He was seated next to a box and I couldn't see his face. I saw his little feet ( which by the way just grew to a 13 and 1/2) .. any way.. they dangled from the chair. Not even grazing the floor . So delicate and petite looking. His small frame dwarfed by the approaching doom. He knew I had come in , but didn't get up. I saw his head fling back. As if every second was torture. And my heart ached for him. At first I was pissed. but I love him and when I saw him I felt bad. I know he did something wrong, and so did he, and there were consequences. But when you have to set a consequence when you don't want to just plain sucks. we went in and it went pretty easy. I thought for sure I was in trouble. But as we both sat toward him with wide inquisitive eyes. Watching his every move for a Trace of reaction. I felt his fear. How scary! Two very powerful women staring at you , waiting to seal your fate. All I wanted to do was hug him. I was still pissed and embarrassed. Because as a parent your child's behavior reflects on your parenting skills. like walking talking breathing pieces of art , there for the world to scrutinize and criticise. I remember what I felt like getting trouble. It was like jail, so significant, so fatal. But I told him I was disappointed and I still loved him. And although t.v was still prohibited, he still feel asleep in my arms. And my heart ached a little less. These are the precious moments. When I know he is truly safe. They grow up and life happens. bad things, far things and so on. But tonight he was safe and I breathed it. I indulged in every morsel of that moment. Tomorrow is a different story. But I cant complain about something that hasn't happened yet...

FOOD

My son is a PICKY eater!!! I send him to school with food and he comes home with it. no matter what I give him. "I would rather play" he says. nutrition is so important. I try and teacher other young parents about the value of a good diet. I know it can expensive, or hard or or a waste of time. please remember to just take the time. It is hard but its better in the end. I learned the painful way. When I was in the hospital for days recovering from pancreatic problem. As a mother your needs sometime are never met. sometimes I am too tires. I wont eat, but I make sure everyone else does. I make a fresh dinner everyday and by the time I am done I am exhausted. but I now value the important of nutrition. that's my new goal. everyone know that they are supposed too, but don't. sometimes it late, your rushing, etc. remember you lead by example. also remember you only have them for a few years before they get settled for unhealthy foods. get them used to it. you are make adults not just around with a kid forever. JUST AN IDEA: start a local parent support group. and have a clothes swop with the other with kids. it can save you a ton. it is too hard to keep up with their growing bodies.

A quick rant about writing

I just sent in my essay to a writing contest. I mailed it yesterday, but it is haunting me. I wonder if it is something every writer goes through. i hear a word a thought or a sentence, I think 'i should of used that! or realize a grammatical error. It's giving me like O.C.D.. this career is more difficult than i thought. people are also insinuating that because it is not a 9-5 that i am not working! it's even harder to do it at home. and lastly it is hard as an artist to stay motivated. most days i don't have the energy. I have to be in the mood( like other stuff.lol) to get the best result. people say that once your turn passion into a career it's no longer gratifying. I just feel like a big ball of frustration. i feel that people do not respect this career. i just wish that like i could switch in on and off, so that I could work more. gotta get used to it. when it comes to publishing, you have deadlines. however i actually procrastinate a lot and always wait till the last minute. and it makes me floor it. but that's not a good way of finishing a masterpiece. which is the only thing i find would with life, if your going to do it. do it right. i have learned a lot through my writers group. they are all published and give great advice. I have meet inspiring and fascinating people. I know I write well, and love it. but it is sure one hard career path. who knew creativity had a deadline.

What goes around comes around!

I am very honored to be given a chance to help young mothers in my community. Head start has given me a facilitator role for early head start. A program for children not yet old enough for their pre school. It is at a high school( not allowed to be disclosed). It is called The Parents Club. Due to the fact they are minors and for safety reasons will not discuss personal info about the girls or they babies. I wanted to let people know of the extraordinary role that's been bestowed upon me. I will guide these girls with all my hear t and knowledge. I am on a constant quest for information. I will being sharing that information with the girls. But I want to also give them an outlet, and feel safe and not judged. I hope that this helps them , as it is helping me. It is ironic the places that I felt personally felt unwanted and judged are now hosting these things. I am very happy that the struggles I went through eventually helped others. I hope this journey is long and productive.

kindergarten blues

It feels so strange sitting here in the quiet. I can actually hear the tapping of the keys. Today was my son's first day of kindergarten. He was so mature about it all. I was a total wreck. I keep thinking that he is in the other room. I have life seems so much deeper when you have such complex conflicting thoughts. I am happy for him, but i miss him. I enjoy the quiet, but now it's too quiet. I just cant believe we are at this point. He is smart well rounded. But, the world would have you believe otherwise. I guess a young mother can really make a great mother.

Life's about the dreams

I was listening to my son sing "row row row your boat". I listened as he finished it as "life's about the dreams." I corrected him, I explained that the rhyme says "life is but a dream." He then explained that of course he knew the correct wording , but liked his more. My five year old went on the say, that he has tried other words in it's place. I was not aware that he had put so much thought into this. He said "I tried life's a bowl of dreams". Stating that he liked the symbolism he imagined singing it. He also had tried "life's a ball of dreams". "You know mommy like how people say it's a 'ball of fun.' Then finally coming to the conclusion that life is about the dreams. I know what that sentence meant to me, when I pondered longer on it. But I wanted to know if it was a deep of a meaning to him, as it seem to me. He said simply that there are two reasons. One being that I am always talking about following your dreams. ( which is what I thought it meant as well. ) though I didn't know he took it to heart. He added sweetly " My days start with my dreams and my days are my life." I asked 'don't your days end with dreams?' " no mommy they start with them! They are in my mind before I open my eyes. Sometimes I have bad dreams and I think about it all day. It sometimes makes my day seem bad. Or sometimes I have good dreams and my day starts good. Or I have a dream about something that's really happened and I have memories that day. But any ways that's how my day starts thinking about my dreams. So, silly mommy life's about the dreams." Simple as that, I now follow the philosophy of my five year old. I too believe, that life's about the dreams.

growing up is hard to accept

when you become a parent you experience many things. But one thing I have yet to master is that of acceptance. Take for example a few weekends ago. My son went to the movies with his grandfather and uncle. I had taken him to see his first movie about a year prior. But this was hard for me. what if something happened? what if he choked on popcorn? what if it was to loud? what if something scared him? what if he needed me? After much assurance they ventured out. Leaving behind a panic stricken mother. Full of a head of " what ifs?" he came home a few hours later. He was so happy. He was trying to explain the plot to the best eloquence of his five years. But he met my red eyes. He some how knew I was hurt. "But i missed you!" He proclaimed, with a hug. I felt i twinge of guilt.I do not want to be one of those mothers who is terrified of letting go. But it is hard! And at times it does seem personal if he is happy without me. But we move on and i bite my lip. As we all must do. I know he still needs me. I feel as though I need him more. I do not helicopter parent, which I am proud of myself for. But I do push him to be both healthily dependent and independent. So I feel that day I accomplished much more than he did. I learned the harsh reality of true independence. But I quietly pat myself on the back. Because I never did verbalize that agonizingly slow and painful Saturday. but guess what? He starts kindergarten in three weeks. Lets see how i handle that. I have developed a great poker face though.

Alena

i miss someone i never even met. i once carried a baby girl. i was only a few months along when i woke up in blood. that was years ago. but recently my brother having a girl has triggered that painful part of my past. people seem to think that you cannot mourn a baby you never met. but i knew her. no one understands. and although the physical pain is long gone, the scars it left behind never had a chance to heal. i never had closure . i went from losing her to fighting for my life. i developed an infection so severe i almost died. her name was to be be Alena. the family has only ever had boys. but now that a girl is soon to be born i am having flashbacks to a preganancy that never was to be. i believe in fate. people say that i don't have a right to this pain because i have a child. i love my son. i would do anything for him. it is not about him. it really is just about something i went through that i never had closure with. i pray for it to dull. i go back and forth about wanting more kids. so do my doctors. they say i may not be able to. if that is to be my fate, so be it. but in the mean time i am seeking closure on a horrific day, that sometime plays in my mind like a nightmare. i dont really share that story, but i think its time to stop kidding myself and realize that keeping everything buried inside dosent heal anything. i cant act like it never happened. but i can talk about it, and maybe one day it wont hurt as bad.

writing is an art

writing a book is like the art of painting. Each small, individual stroke of color means nothing until it is blended together and creates a masterpiece. as so it is the same with the art of writing. with each seemingly insignificant word, slowly streaming together on a canvas of page. becoming eloquently coherent. resulting in a beautiful masterpiece. and with that i leave with you to view how feel of my first true love. writing.

summer so soon?

so i found out my sons school gets out next month. i am sad for him. he Finally settled into a routine. he has all these friends and now hes going to a different school. i am not sure how its going to effect my work. i will have to carve out some 'work time' so that i can write. plus once i join the writing group it will be better. i hope. overall things are good. i am about two hours away from finishing my manuscript. its just getting them that's hard. the weather is driving me nuts its hot and tomorrow its raining!!!?i am having dinner with family after a beautiful day of picnincing by the water. and i got to spend about an hour of just me time with my bff yesterday. i am trying to find a camp for my son. i just found out that there is no more summer school because of budgets. at least he has a field trip next month and i get to go. it will be fun. a museum and the beach. i am more excited then he is. i told him about school ending but he doesn't really grasp the understanding that he will feel different. he will no longer be at that school with those friends. and i have a secret fear to. i have alot of clout at his current school. his new school has a lot of competitive soccer moms. i feel i wont measure up. and after being the president and overseeing thing this last year , it will be hard for me too. i just need to show him to be strong. lead by example. i guess.

no so stressed anymore

so as you may have read on my last blog, that i was a freaking out about my boys party. omg! that was stressful. but you know what? it worked out just fine. we ended up having it at home. that was one hectic weekend. i ended up back at the party store. when we were having it at the park we didn't need decorations. i had bought balloons, a pinata and a bunch of games to play. well needless to say, when the storm hit, we were stuck not being able to use the games i bought. we had great day though. the food rocked. everyone came. just short an uncle and two others. my brother and his girlfriend got sick, so they didn't come. but i loved that my nephews were still there. they came with their mom. we never did use those games. we passed the time using the face paint( so fun!!) and we propt the pinata up and pretty much just let them at it. we loaded them with so much candy. i handed out Easter baskets. it was great. not a lot of gifts , but man he scored. he got the scooter he wanted. from his best friend. he got a psp! and the bike we got him. and some pretty nice clothes. so all in all, it turned out great. we got to see family we had not seen in a very long time. people meet. i cant believe after all that stress, and being pretty pissed about the storm, we actually pulled it off. although that day was the ONLY day it rained. but what ya gonna do right?! next year we are leaving town, and having a very quiet little 6Th birthday. that is the one thing about good parties, how do you top it next year?! well iam pretty excited about what i just learned. a local book store host a monthly writers group. i actually get to be around grown ups and write, and get feed back. i am so excited. the fee I am about 100$ but that's for a year. and you cant really put a price on all the connections i will make. plus i hear there is some editors and publishers in some of those groups. my boy has been on spring break. it has been a combo of stress and fun. i thought i was going to go nuts. but, i found a bunch of stuff to do. farmers markets. petting zoo, pony rides, play dates, story time, library. we have had fun. i am actually having fun too. he goes back tomorrow. i think he needs it more then me. he is getting a little short with me. i think he is the one going crazy with out school. go figure. he still has fits when i drop him off. but by the time i am leaving he is already playing. we are starting to get ready for kindergarten. which is hard on me. he is growing up. plus the school is a bit strict. he goes to school now at 12:30. he will be going all day staring at 8. i don't think that will go over well. i thought kindergartners got out early. i fell that's a long time for a five year old. 8 to 2:30. don't you think? and all the paper work i have to do. all the doctors he has to have check ups with its crazy. last week we went and he got like four shots for school. (FYI, that was not a fun day) okay. well i got to do some research while i have a computers.

stressed

i know i am supposed to have this blog to help others. so i apologize for my aproaching rampage=o). see the thing is , is that you can learn from others touble so maybe, in this case it might. or i could be sitting her venting to a virtual diary. here we go. we have had this party planned for months poeple are coming from out of town. they took off work for it. and now, its chaos. it' s beautiful outside. but according to the news a storm is coming in saturday night. guess which day is his party. it ha never rained on his birthday beforte. why now? why this. oh so important party. people , family will be meeting for the first time. it' special , its important. so even tough we had already bought the park permit, god willing it wont rain, but we have to have a back up. assuming we would do it at my house like last year. only it's going to be more people. so my mom and i have not been getting along too well. and she proclaimed last night that i could not hold it at the house. just out of spite. the only place that will do it on a days notice. is a place out of town. with depoist will amount to a heaping 700 dollars. price is 55 an hour, and thats crazy. so right now i am having a panic attack. all eyes are on me. i cant drop the ball. i feel exhusted but i want to shout. god, please dont let it rain.

wiped out

my gosh, i feel like i am going mad. i have so much to do before my sons fifth birthday party. it's quite exhusrting. i dropped him off at scholl at 12:30. and i havent taken a moment to breath. i have been to every party store with in the reach. even one beyond my city. the toy store. where i spent more for his bike then i thought i would. i have about ten minutes to post this. i swear, but iam happy i get this 10 minutes to post. i didnt think i would be able to do it for another week. and i now i must go to the grocerie store before i ger him. i do this errands alone for two reasons. 1- i dont want him to sneek anything that may be a surprise. 2- honestly i think my head would be spinning if i werent alone. i csn run in snd out, and there is no one there dragging thier feet. it may sound mean, but truly it is not. it just a well known fact that if you have to do errands with your kids it will take longer. i thought it would get better as he got older. no baby seats, binkys and strollers. but honestly, i think it gets worse. he still ants to be carried, and he screams and whines for everything he sees. he lost a tooth two days ago. i was so excited. you see he lost one bottom one in january, but the silly guy ate it, and we never did find it. i was so pettialy sad. but then the other one got lose. and for the past two weeks he would barley eat. claiming that the loose tooth was bothersome. he requested orajel t every meal. then i just poked it and it feel out. he saw the blood and went nuts. screaming that i had some how hurthim, bu ripping an 'unready to go' tooth. but then when he saw it he was happy and he wasnt truly in pain, the blood just scared him. i had the honor for the first time every to be the tooth fairy. i painted a fairy and stars on an enelope and placed two two dollar bills and a one inside. represnting his five years of age, that is approaching. my heart smiled in the morning when he found it. "SHE CAME , THE TOOTH FAIRY CAME!" he requested i open it( he didnt ant to hurt the envelope). he was so excited. he carried it around yesterday insisiting on paying for things. so cute! i really didnt want to see him spend it. but he was so proud. he felt very grown up. he went to school and shared it with everyone. it may seem silly, but it was one of the best things that i have shared with him. i felt honord to feel that warm mommy feeling. cant wait to feel it again on his birthday, and again on his party. i am sad and happy that he will be five. i tear up. but i know that he is still my baby.

thursday

I have a love/ hate relationship with party planning. i love attention to detail. i really do. in a really dorky way. i am a scrap book, type of girl. but how much it is all coming to is crazy. i thought that having a party at a park would be cheaper. wrong! after the the 50$ permit. and a few decorations. it will come to at least a few hundred only in food. we want to barbecue. but the price of insane. that's even with people helping. plus i wanted a really big party. you know friends and family. a big blow out. i am just dreading any actual blow out that usual occur when my family gets together. everyone is already fighting. i just hope everyone shows up and gets along. that's the hard part with my brother going through a divorce i feel like i have to choose sides. i love them all. i am finding it to be quiet stressful. all i wanted was to have family around and have fun. i guess it all up to god. plus it been raining like crazy. please don't let it rain on the day of the party. i am so stressed that i have not even been able to focus on my work. which i thought once my son was better i could get some work done. but man, it is always something. i guess i just need to think positive. and i am trying. despite that it seams like i am only complaining. oh well have to check the guest list. bye for now.

23

i turned 23 this past weekend. i loved having a chill day with my family.i don't feel any older . it's nice having a day only for yourself. well not totally but it's better then nothing. my son is still sick. thank god i took him to the doctor before the weekend , because he was really sick. but the antibiotics did there thing. He has only gone to school twice in the past two weeks. so i can catch up on some work done. i feel bad when he is sick, i feel like i have no control and i hate that. especially when it comes to him. gotta go make dinner.

just a tuesday

my son does not have school today. i feel my errands take longer when i am not by myself. but that's okay. i went home yesterday while he was at school. i could not get my work done. when i am at home i constantly think he is in the house. and for a split second i am like, where is he? he is not making noise! then i have to remember that i am there alone. i know that must sound crazy. but i think that any stay at home mom might have that kind of moment. i also have these moments when i feel like, if i do something fun, or that he would enjoy, and he is in school , i am betraying him. silly though right? like if i go to a restaurant or the park. i think man, he would love to be here. then i feel bad. i am struggling with a few other things. one is is this constant battle over power. as he gets over everything is an argument. he doesn't like what for dinner. he thinks his bed times is to early. his treat is to small. round and round we go. i know i am supposed to pick my battles, but when do you know when you have chosen correctly. you may never know. another thing we are planning his fifth birthday. it will be the first time that every single family member will be there. i just hope to god there is no drama, but who am i kidding. but i feel happy and sad about his nearing birthday, it is a little over a week past mine. i will be 23. i never feel any different on my birthdays , it's just another day. even the milestone ones. like my 18th birthday. or my 21. but then again i was going into labor on my 18 birthday so i was a little distracted. but i feel his birthdays. i remember his birth like it was yesterday. and though i am smiling in his party pictures, inside i feel sad. he is getting older and that means, inevitable will happen. he will grow up and away from me. but he will always be my baby. well he's hungry. tomorrow is school. that means i can get my work done. post ya later.

what i am up to

hello all, i have sent out this address to a bunch of people i know. so to all the people that have read this in support of me, thank you. in my last blog i was upset because of some test results. but just to get it out there I am being positive. that is my mato after all. i am sending my finished proposal into the magazine this week. I am so nervous. once i have the okay , i will let you know which magazine it is in, so you can read it. the hardest part in all of this is the search for an agent. it takes so much work, because there is so many manuscript they receive it can take months for them to read it. like with the magazine they said it could take as long as 6 months to actually be published because so much work goes into editing and publishing. i have to admit that i have a lot of support from my family. otherwise i would not have the strength to do this. it was actually one person who really gave me that push. her name is Elizabeth Gilbert. so if i can take this moment to officially thank you Mrs. Gilbert from the bottom of my heart thank you. if it had not have been that package she sent me i would never gotten to the stage i am in now. well , now that i have vented all of that i will get to the actual focus of my blog. All the research i am doing for this book has been hard to hear. it is one controversial subject, that everyone is uncomfortable talking about. People truly feel that if you say you want to help young parents , you are condoning their mistakes. i have said before i will say it again. babies are not mistakes. the world needs to stop think of these babies in such a derogatory way. and realize that yes it was not the most ideal situation to raise a baby in. but we need to give these young people the tools so that they can become the best parents that they can be. why is that so hard for people to do. i know a lot of young parents and they are wonderful at what they do . they support their family. they love their babies and it shows. i just wish people saw that part. you hear on the news these horrible things that teens have done to a fetus or young child. and i feel that if we viewed them differently, these tragedies would not occur. well that is the basis of most of my writing. i never would have thought , that this is what i would be doing for a career. lobbying to help emotionally support teenagers. and help people to view them differently. my son's fifth birthday is coming up and it marks such a milestone. i cannot believe how much time has gone by. i look at him and see innocence and purity and it just makes my heart melt. the way a mother loves her child is a feeling that nothing can compare to. young fathers need to also stand up . they have rights to. so much of what i researched is not only morbid but it is aimed solely at teen mothers. but maybe if the men were approached differently, the statistic of single moms would not be so true. in a lot of cases the guy leaves. but i have also seen them stay. in fact in the 'one on one' interviews i have held, their boyfriends were still there. but in the 'paper research' it claims that it is rare for that to occur. i wonder whats more true. but maybe it depends on the area where it happens. or the religion or even the race. i will find out though. i am off the do more research, and my son is getting a cough so i need to go tend to him. thank you to all my knew followers.

hello again

i have had a hard time lately.i am at the library, where i am doing research for my book. but it all so depressing. no one said that focusing my career based on helping teen parents, would be easy. everything i read is negative. i do understand where these people are coming from, don't get me wrong. i do agree with much of it. but the only time girls are mentioned in a positive light are when they are talking about adoption. which is a valid option. altough, in my research i have found that it is the choice, that is not used as often. i do feel like giving your baby away, is very loving and selfless. but, girls who choose to keep their babies are regaurded as being selfish. how is devoting the rest of your life, in the most hard working job you will ever have, being selfish. i find that to be selfless. i have given my everything to my son, by my choice. i would never regret it.i feel i have given my son the best of me. to that i say i have never been selfish, from that stand pont, is wrong . i only want to for the judgement to end and people to respect young parents. it may not be the best situation for them, but it is theirs non the less. i feel emotionaly robbed. i am have recently been given the news that i may have problems concieving. eveytime i share my dread that i may have problems, i am faced with poeple saying that i have one, i should be happy. i feel that they are implying that i am not fufilled by my life, my son. i love him more than anything. i just feel i have every right to want another. i am going to be 23 this month. i am still young. but who knows how much time i have left for that. when will the judgement end. oops, have to pick up my son, he is in preschool now. i will post again soon. i am busy writing a proposal for a magazine. wish me luck.

first entry

hello there, i have created this blog as window into a life that most people, may judge. I am 22 and my son will soon be five years old. doing the math you would have figured that i was a teen mother. I have learned, that once a teen mom always one. i feel i am always apologizing for something. i have just begun work on a book, on this subject. i have not created this blog for any negativity that might be out there. this is a place , that if you are curious , may show you what life is really like. i will also being including facts and helpful tips for girls that maybe going through something similar. i will post as often as i can. i hope that this welcomed , and not judged. my goal is only to help not harm, or judge. i only wish to shine light on a subject that is only ever talked about with negativity. i do not promote teen pregnancy. i promote positivity. just keep in mind that negativity has gotten us nowhere. lives are still being put at risk , all because of the shame we wish to place on young girls.