just a tuesday

my son does not have school today. i feel my errands take longer when i am not by myself. but that's okay. i went home yesterday while he was at school. i could not get my work done. when i am at home i constantly think he is in the house. and for a split second i am like, where is he? he is not making noise! then i have to remember that i am there alone. i know that must sound crazy. but i think that any stay at home mom might have that kind of moment. i also have these moments when i feel like, if i do something fun, or that he would enjoy, and he is in school , i am betraying him. silly though right? like if i go to a restaurant or the park. i think man, he would love to be here. then i feel bad. i am struggling with a few other things. one is is this constant battle over power. as he gets over everything is an argument. he doesn't like what for dinner. he thinks his bed times is to early. his treat is to small. round and round we go. i know i am supposed to pick my battles, but when do you know when you have chosen correctly. you may never know. another thing we are planning his fifth birthday. it will be the first time that every single family member will be there. i just hope to god there is no drama, but who am i kidding. but i feel happy and sad about his nearing birthday, it is a little over a week past mine. i will be 23. i never feel any different on my birthdays , it's just another day. even the milestone ones. like my 18th birthday. or my 21. but then again i was going into labor on my 18 birthday so i was a little distracted. but i feel his birthdays. i remember his birth like it was yesterday. and though i am smiling in his party pictures, inside i feel sad. he is getting older and that means, inevitable will happen. he will grow up and away from me. but he will always be my baby. well he's hungry. tomorrow is school. that means i can get my work done. post ya later.