growing up is hard to accept

when you become a parent you experience many things. But one thing I have yet to master is that of acceptance. Take for example a few weekends ago. My son went to the movies with his grandfather and uncle. I had taken him to see his first movie about a year prior. But this was hard for me. what if something happened? what if he choked on popcorn? what if it was to loud? what if something scared him? what if he needed me? After much assurance they ventured out. Leaving behind a panic stricken mother. Full of a head of " what ifs?" he came home a few hours later. He was so happy. He was trying to explain the plot to the best eloquence of his five years. But he met my red eyes. He some how knew I was hurt. "But i missed you!" He proclaimed, with a hug. I felt i twinge of guilt.I do not want to be one of those mothers who is terrified of letting go. But it is hard! And at times it does seem personal if he is happy without me. But we move on and i bite my lip. As we all must do. I know he still needs me. I feel as though I need him more. I do not helicopter parent, which I am proud of myself for. But I do push him to be both healthily dependent and independent. So I feel that day I accomplished much more than he did. I learned the harsh reality of true independence. But I quietly pat myself on the back. Because I never did verbalize that agonizingly slow and painful Saturday. but guess what? He starts kindergarten in three weeks. Lets see how i handle that. I have developed a great poker face though.