Thanks for waiting/ The Office

I let life get in the way, and I abandoned my blog. so much and yet so little has happened. if that makes any sense. well, today I got "the call". For someone like me who went to the office alot as a kid, I grew nervous. It was only in elementary school tough. So maybe its hereditary. the Principal wanted to see me. As I walked towards the school I regressed to being a child. I felt the school tower over me in intimidation. the children's playful laughter directed at me. knowing it was all in my my imagination, but still an unrelenting feeling. My son had hit a kid while playing and needed to be picked up. It seemed harsh but agreeable. On my drive I thought of what to say. The right things to say to both the principal and my son. Because no matter how many parenting books are out there, there is no guidelines for everyday occurrences. I decided on firm. And with sweaty palms , of dread and also embarrassment, I found him in the office. He was seated next to a box and I couldn't see his face. I saw his little feet ( which by the way just grew to a 13 and 1/2) .. any way.. they dangled from the chair. Not even grazing the floor . So delicate and petite looking. His small frame dwarfed by the approaching doom. He knew I had come in , but didn't get up. I saw his head fling back. As if every second was torture. And my heart ached for him. At first I was pissed. but I love him and when I saw him I felt bad. I know he did something wrong, and so did he, and there were consequences. But when you have to set a consequence when you don't want to just plain sucks. we went in and it went pretty easy. I thought for sure I was in trouble. But as we both sat toward him with wide inquisitive eyes. Watching his every move for a Trace of reaction. I felt his fear. How scary! Two very powerful women staring at you , waiting to seal your fate. All I wanted to do was hug him. I was still pissed and embarrassed. Because as a parent your child's behavior reflects on your parenting skills. like walking talking breathing pieces of art , there for the world to scrutinize and criticise. I remember what I felt like getting trouble. It was like jail, so significant, so fatal. But I told him I was disappointed and I still loved him. And although t.v was still prohibited, he still feel asleep in my arms. And my heart ached a little less. These are the precious moments. When I know he is truly safe. They grow up and life happens. bad things, far things and so on. But tonight he was safe and I breathed it. I indulged in every morsel of that moment. Tomorrow is a different story. But I cant complain about something that hasn't happened yet...