23

i turned 23 this past weekend. i loved having a chill day with my family.i don't feel any older . it's nice having a day only for yourself. well not totally but it's better then nothing. my son is still sick. thank god i took him to the doctor before the weekend , because he was really sick. but the antibiotics did there thing. He has only gone to school twice in the past two weeks. so i can catch up on some work done. i feel bad when he is sick, i feel like i have no control and i hate that. especially when it comes to him. gotta go make dinner.

just a tuesday

my son does not have school today. i feel my errands take longer when i am not by myself. but that's okay. i went home yesterday while he was at school. i could not get my work done. when i am at home i constantly think he is in the house. and for a split second i am like, where is he? he is not making noise! then i have to remember that i am there alone. i know that must sound crazy. but i think that any stay at home mom might have that kind of moment. i also have these moments when i feel like, if i do something fun, or that he would enjoy, and he is in school , i am betraying him. silly though right? like if i go to a restaurant or the park. i think man, he would love to be here. then i feel bad. i am struggling with a few other things. one is is this constant battle over power. as he gets over everything is an argument. he doesn't like what for dinner. he thinks his bed times is to early. his treat is to small. round and round we go. i know i am supposed to pick my battles, but when do you know when you have chosen correctly. you may never know. another thing we are planning his fifth birthday. it will be the first time that every single family member will be there. i just hope to god there is no drama, but who am i kidding. but i feel happy and sad about his nearing birthday, it is a little over a week past mine. i will be 23. i never feel any different on my birthdays , it's just another day. even the milestone ones. like my 18th birthday. or my 21. but then again i was going into labor on my 18 birthday so i was a little distracted. but i feel his birthdays. i remember his birth like it was yesterday. and though i am smiling in his party pictures, inside i feel sad. he is getting older and that means, inevitable will happen. he will grow up and away from me. but he will always be my baby. well he's hungry. tomorrow is school. that means i can get my work done. post ya later.

what i am up to

hello all, i have sent out this address to a bunch of people i know. so to all the people that have read this in support of me, thank you. in my last blog i was upset because of some test results. but just to get it out there I am being positive. that is my mato after all. i am sending my finished proposal into the magazine this week. I am so nervous. once i have the okay , i will let you know which magazine it is in, so you can read it. the hardest part in all of this is the search for an agent. it takes so much work, because there is so many manuscript they receive it can take months for them to read it. like with the magazine they said it could take as long as 6 months to actually be published because so much work goes into editing and publishing. i have to admit that i have a lot of support from my family. otherwise i would not have the strength to do this. it was actually one person who really gave me that push. her name is Elizabeth Gilbert. so if i can take this moment to officially thank you Mrs. Gilbert from the bottom of my heart thank you. if it had not have been that package she sent me i would never gotten to the stage i am in now. well , now that i have vented all of that i will get to the actual focus of my blog. All the research i am doing for this book has been hard to hear. it is one controversial subject, that everyone is uncomfortable talking about. People truly feel that if you say you want to help young parents , you are condoning their mistakes. i have said before i will say it again. babies are not mistakes. the world needs to stop think of these babies in such a derogatory way. and realize that yes it was not the most ideal situation to raise a baby in. but we need to give these young people the tools so that they can become the best parents that they can be. why is that so hard for people to do. i know a lot of young parents and they are wonderful at what they do . they support their family. they love their babies and it shows. i just wish people saw that part. you hear on the news these horrible things that teens have done to a fetus or young child. and i feel that if we viewed them differently, these tragedies would not occur. well that is the basis of most of my writing. i never would have thought , that this is what i would be doing for a career. lobbying to help emotionally support teenagers. and help people to view them differently. my son's fifth birthday is coming up and it marks such a milestone. i cannot believe how much time has gone by. i look at him and see innocence and purity and it just makes my heart melt. the way a mother loves her child is a feeling that nothing can compare to. young fathers need to also stand up . they have rights to. so much of what i researched is not only morbid but it is aimed solely at teen mothers. but maybe if the men were approached differently, the statistic of single moms would not be so true. in a lot of cases the guy leaves. but i have also seen them stay. in fact in the 'one on one' interviews i have held, their boyfriends were still there. but in the 'paper research' it claims that it is rare for that to occur. i wonder whats more true. but maybe it depends on the area where it happens. or the religion or even the race. i will find out though. i am off the do more research, and my son is getting a cough so i need to go tend to him. thank you to all my knew followers.

hello again

i have had a hard time lately.i am at the library, where i am doing research for my book. but it all so depressing. no one said that focusing my career based on helping teen parents, would be easy. everything i read is negative. i do understand where these people are coming from, don't get me wrong. i do agree with much of it. but the only time girls are mentioned in a positive light are when they are talking about adoption. which is a valid option. altough, in my research i have found that it is the choice, that is not used as often. i do feel like giving your baby away, is very loving and selfless. but, girls who choose to keep their babies are regaurded as being selfish. how is devoting the rest of your life, in the most hard working job you will ever have, being selfish. i find that to be selfless. i have given my everything to my son, by my choice. i would never regret it.i feel i have given my son the best of me. to that i say i have never been selfish, from that stand pont, is wrong . i only want to for the judgement to end and people to respect young parents. it may not be the best situation for them, but it is theirs non the less. i feel emotionaly robbed. i am have recently been given the news that i may have problems concieving. eveytime i share my dread that i may have problems, i am faced with poeple saying that i have one, i should be happy. i feel that they are implying that i am not fufilled by my life, my son. i love him more than anything. i just feel i have every right to want another. i am going to be 23 this month. i am still young. but who knows how much time i have left for that. when will the judgement end. oops, have to pick up my son, he is in preschool now. i will post again soon. i am busy writing a proposal for a magazine. wish me luck.

first entry

hello there, i have created this blog as window into a life that most people, may judge. I am 22 and my son will soon be five years old. doing the math you would have figured that i was a teen mother. I have learned, that once a teen mom always one. i feel i am always apologizing for something. i have just begun work on a book, on this subject. i have not created this blog for any negativity that might be out there. this is a place , that if you are curious , may show you what life is really like. i will also being including facts and helpful tips for girls that maybe going through something similar. i will post as often as i can. i hope that this welcomed , and not judged. my goal is only to help not harm, or judge. i only wish to shine light on a subject that is only ever talked about with negativity. i do not promote teen pregnancy. i promote positivity. just keep in mind that negativity has gotten us nowhere. lives are still being put at risk , all because of the shame we wish to place on young girls.