.... And drop it.

I love a quote from one of my favorite books turned movie. eat , pray , love. the led is missing her ex lover. so she says" I love him and really miss him. " her friend replies" so miss him. Send him light and love every time you think of him and drop it." So that had stayed with me because I really like it . I have used it but not entirely until recently. i have had many lives and with that many different types of love. Friendship and maternal and family being the most obvious and undeniable. But the most potent being that of a lover. Not to say that I have loved all my boyfriends, however their presence in my life did not give them my heart automatically. I have had two great loves in my life. My husband consuming my heart almost entirely. journeying back to my youth lies what would probably be referred to as my first love. Not how I love my husband of course. But a piece will always belong to him. There are significant differences in the loves. My husband is my family ,my best friends, my lover. We have grown together, grown up together. Discovered life side by side. We started as friends and have never ceased that bond. He not only took my heart but I gave it to him freely. However my first love stole my heart against my will. I never got it back, and I will forever pay the penalty. Some times in life your love is stolen and like most thieves he will never know nor care the pain he had cost me. Its partly my fault to young to speak up. How I felt and now in the new age of everyone, including myself documenting my every move, I have to be informed of peoples lives. Ones I wish to be oblivious to. Information is shoved down my throat. Only to be regurgitated through tears. It's an odd feeling. I am happy and don't want to be with him. So why does it hurt to know he is moving on. So many thoughts and questions that will never be answered. And because I don't live in a romantic movie . I will not randomly see him. Tell him how I felt, and end things on my terms. Tell him the things that will forever ach inside me.. All I can do is send him light and love whenever I think of him.... And drop it.