my unexpected life

I always thought of myself as the kind of person who would get married and have kids. obviously it didn't happen in that order. with my son now seven and feeling old I recently took the plunge. on a beautiful sunny Friday afternoon. The first day of this past June I became a married woman. It was romantic and poetic. a month later the universe gave me a surprise wedding gift. I got pregnant. now this came as quite a shock since I have not ovulated in three years. unaware that matrimony was the key to having a second child, in my case. For me, someone who has been very unconventional ,its oddly nice to be what I assume normal is like. not that I am by any means normal.pushing the fifth month in my pregnancy I am just now relaxing. The baby is beginning to roll and kick. It makes me feel safe. because I have lost a baby and because happiness scares me. It makes me feel like something bad is going to happen. I am trying to let myself learn to be happy and not be scared. this new concept is not as easy as it seems. but I will learn to be content if it kills me. my life at the moment is completely unexpected. but I could not be happier , or more scared.